"Spirit of Mumbai" Decoded

What's with this "Spirit of Mumbai"? What's that 'Spirit' they keep talking about each time after a blast or attack on Mumbai? One says they are talking about a special kind of spirit that they make only in Mumbai. It's applied on the bruises and burns of the injured to give them immediate relief so that they are up and kicking to get on with life. It also heals broken hearts and injured souls of the friends and families of victims. And this is not enough. This special spirit has another utility.

High on the 'Spirit of Mumbai'

The kins and friends of victims and all others alive in any part of the city are inebriated with this spirit to help them come out of the grief as soon as possible and get back on track. Soon here means within hours after the tragedy. The municipal corporation water-works department is assigned this job of feeding this 'elixir of life' to people. So the water that you get in your taps after the blast, is actually this 'water of life'. No you needn't worry for its purity.

This water is not contaminated. It is gotten straight from the depths of Arabian Sea after samudra manthan. Urgh!! Someone popped with a face as blue as Krishna's himself, "Do you mean I have been drinking all the junk that MV Wisdom and its likes have been shedding into the Arabian sea?" Ah! no no no. How can that be? Don't you worship Lord Shiva's son, Ganapathi Bappa, as a true devotee? If yes then why do you worry? He has persuaded his father to take care of all the poison that surfaces from the manthan or churning of the sea as he did light years ago at the legendary samudra manthan.

This is one. Then there's another group of believers who say that this 'Spirit' refers to incorporeal consciousness, The Atma or the higher self which lives on even as the worldly outwardness perishes in the sands of time. So, the PMO connected with all the Godmen available to summon this metaphysical being which goes into hibernation once the city comes to its own after the previous attack. (Ah! now we know why we haven't heard from the PM even once after the blasts. Otherwise he can't wait to show up and run his mouth.)

They didn't contact Baba Ramdev this time though he was keen as always to join in. Make no mistakes. It's not because of the recent face-off that the government chose to ignore him. We are mature. We don't nurture enmities. It's because Babaji is not an expert at Ouija boards. Some less popular and less experienced Godmen have been put to work since last evening. No wonder with all their inexperience then that they have not been able to call the 'Spirit of Mumbai' yet in its patent youthful charm and glory!!

So a communication released from the home minster's office has appealed to the masses that till the time the Godmen succeed, you may keep yourself going with the 'elixir of life' made available in your taps throughout the day. But yes if you feel nauseated at any point after drinking this water, rush to the nearest hospital. After all it's rainy season and swine flu, jaundice and what not are in the air...and water. With municipal corporation's mediation, elixir of life also can't be guaranteed. Why take unnecessary risk? We have to survive to prove to terrorists that we are made of alloys with heavy percentages of iron in it. Nothing really affects us...not any number of blasts or bullets.
(Illustration: Mario Miranda)