The Privileged Ones

Now this one clearly goes to the Indian government! They've made an astounding discovery this time around. They call it the Privilege Motion. And it's no mean tool. It will really go a long way in cleansing the environment of unnecessary sound pollution. It has been tested on anti-corruption crusaders and is expected to prove its efficiency. The conclusions of the experiment will be out soon for "we the people".

But we are informed that it has already caught the imagination of the who's who around. For instance UP CM Mayawati is planning to issue a Privilege Motion to Wikileaks for releasing private information about her. Well ofcourse if her private jet flies empty all the way from Lucknow to Mumbai to get her favourite pair of sandals, it's absolutely private. If her PSO cleans her shoes even though at a public function, it's between her and her PSO. It's private again. WTF has the world, or for that matter Wikileaks, got to do with it??

But whatever, Madame has made her stance clear. She will carry on wearing imported sandals. Akhir taste bhi koi cheez hoti hai! Right! But uh! I thought cheese bhi tasty hoti hai. Anyway we were at sandals. So UP doesn't have sandals to meet madame's sublime standards.

And as for Wikileaks, more is coming. Home minister P Chidambaram's son was also waiting for such a weapon ever since Wikileaks exposed his conversations with US diplomats about how "Indian politicians bought votes with notes tucked inside morning newspapers.

Damn! Now why should anybody get bothered about this even? This was part of their Political Social Responsibility. People needed money. Well who doesn't need money? And their leaders, their well-wishers gave them money. And they never asked for a fortune in return. They just asked for a stamp (against their election symbol). That's it!

Wikileaks has no work these days it seems. Keeps getting bothered about this and that. So for all this devil's workshop that it is running, it deserves a privilege motion to begin with. Right?

Popularities travel fast just as lies do. So the miner Reddy bros Janardhana Reddy and Srinivasan Reddy are contemplating issuing a privilege motion against Sonia Gandhi & Co. Janardhana thought of this after the CBI seized Rukmini after arresting him. Uh! I knew you would have got ideas by now. Adulterated minds I say. Rukmini is not his girl friend. It's the name of his private chopper. These dudes were flying high!! Nay! they were diggin' deep. Yo!

And ho! Rakhi Sawant is thinking of insuring her "assets" which include her cleavage and her butts. "After all," she says, "they earn me my bread & butter."  Rakhi tussi privileged ho! Well, privileged to have insurable assets.

Rakhi weds Ramdev

It’s wedding bells yet again in tinsel town. Another celebrity marriage on the cards. Rakhi Sawant is marrying Baba Ramdev. And guess who's the busiest of the lot? Nah! not Rakhi, not Ramdev. It's the media!!

While newspapers and news channels are busy getting bites and quotes one juicier than the other, NDTV Imagine is busy with the wedding preparations. Work has been allotted to various teams suited to their profiles.

One bunch is out arranging a mom for Rakhi. The production team is assigned this job as they can judge who’ll suit the best for the role. The editorial team is scripting a sob past of her and her family. The channel’s security is being trained to ensure Z security measures in case Rakhi's ex-husband Elesh Parujanwala attacks spears and daggers. No not to get back Rakhi but to get back his yoga guru Ramdev.

Ah! Elesh secretly enrolled with Ramdev’s Yogpeeth to get a life after being kicked out of his short marriage by the then wife Rakhi. He paid stinking amounts to get Ramdev as his personal trainer for Yoga. Now he may be insecure of loosing an efficient yoga guru as he will have to sever all ties with him once he marries his estranged wife...extranged on a bitter note to be precise.

And this is not all. NDTV Imagine has a bigger job at hand. That of searching for Ramdev. We hear that Babaji has gone underground along with his close aide Acharya Balkrishna after hearing about Rakhi’s desire to tie the knot with him. No that’s not because he hates Rakhi or he’s scared of Elesh. It’s because he’s scared of spouse rivalry after marriage. He feels he’s no match for Rakhi’s ‘gift of gab’.

According to the undercover correspondents reporting from Ramdev’s underground hideout somewhere in the basements in his very own The Little Cumbrae Island, off the fishing town of Largs in Scotland, Ramdev was last spotted watching the Amitabh starrer Abhimaan which is based on the story of an ambitious and famous husband who is unable to save his happy marriage because of his jealousy for his talented wife when she professionally overtakes him.

But Babaji Rakhi Sawant is not in your industry. How can she be competition to you? He says he fears that she is capable of attracting the media much better than he can. Anyway, we believe NDTV Imagine has the skill set to persuade Babaji. Once they begin talks, he’ll be head over heels in love with Rakhi err or is it heels over head? Whatever, all that matters is he’ll be in love.

Everything else is in place. The venue of the marriage reception is Ramlila Maidan in Delhi and Ramdev’s wedding costume: drag.