Rakhi weds Ramdev

It’s wedding bells yet again in tinsel town. Another celebrity marriage on the cards. Rakhi Sawant is marrying Baba Ramdev. And guess who's the busiest of the lot? Nah! not Rakhi, not Ramdev. It's the media!!

While newspapers and news channels are busy getting bites and quotes one juicier than the other, NDTV Imagine is busy with the wedding preparations. Work has been allotted to various teams suited to their profiles.

One bunch is out arranging a mom for Rakhi. The production team is assigned this job as they can judge who’ll suit the best for the role. The editorial team is scripting a sob past of her and her family. The channel’s security is being trained to ensure Z security measures in case Rakhi's ex-husband Elesh Parujanwala attacks spears and daggers. No not to get back Rakhi but to get back his yoga guru Ramdev.

Ah! Elesh secretly enrolled with Ramdev’s Yogpeeth to get a life after being kicked out of his short marriage by the then wife Rakhi. He paid stinking amounts to get Ramdev as his personal trainer for Yoga. Now he may be insecure of loosing an efficient yoga guru as he will have to sever all ties with him once he marries his estranged wife...extranged on a bitter note to be precise.

And this is not all. NDTV Imagine has a bigger job at hand. That of searching for Ramdev. We hear that Babaji has gone underground along with his close aide Acharya Balkrishna after hearing about Rakhi’s desire to tie the knot with him. No that’s not because he hates Rakhi or he’s scared of Elesh. It’s because he’s scared of spouse rivalry after marriage. He feels he’s no match for Rakhi’s ‘gift of gab’.

According to the undercover correspondents reporting from Ramdev’s underground hideout somewhere in the basements in his very own The Little Cumbrae Island, off the fishing town of Largs in Scotland, Ramdev was last spotted watching the Amitabh starrer Abhimaan which is based on the story of an ambitious and famous husband who is unable to save his happy marriage because of his jealousy for his talented wife when she professionally overtakes him.

But Babaji Rakhi Sawant is not in your industry. How can she be competition to you? He says he fears that she is capable of attracting the media much better than he can. Anyway, we believe NDTV Imagine has the skill set to persuade Babaji. Once they begin talks, he’ll be head over heels in love with Rakhi err or is it heels over head? Whatever, all that matters is he’ll be in love.

Everything else is in place. The venue of the marriage reception is Ramlila Maidan in Delhi and Ramdev’s wedding costume: drag.

When Ramdev Masqueraded

Baba Ramdev may have been shunted and chased by government lieutenants in khaki. And he may have attracted bitter criticism from you-name-it, but there's someone who wants a deal with the Baba. We hear that the Mummers and the Halloween paraders are keen to get this budding masquerader on board.

Budding?? Yes budding. Well what else can you say for someone who with a feet long beard and a prominent moustache decides to escape in a woman's outfit? So now the paraders, like all the teachers across the horizon, also know you shrugged your homework. Hhmm not a good thing Babaji. Now I know why everybody is suspecting you for your guru's mysterious disappearance.

But yes the paraders admire Baba Ramdev's guts and adventurous spirit and hence are willing to overlook the  drubbing and have hired experts to train him for their big days. Well my heartiest congrats to Babaji! Mardi Gras may not be far away now.

You desired to go places Babaji. You already are. From Mahendragarh to The Little Cumbrae to Marde Gras. And God knows what next. Enjoy the trip! Only that I wonder yoga will go upside down. Ah! but anyway power yoga is catching up now. So chill Babaji you can devote all your energies to polishing your masquerading skills and learning the art of picking the right drag if you must.

Baba Bubble

Teachers these days are telling children not to idolise Baba Ramdev. Not because of the fasting fiasco. But because he doesn't do his home work. Fasting against black money and graft, he lands up posing before the national and international media. He demands that Rs 500 and Rs 1000 be banned taking cue from 1970's Amitabh flicks where the bad boys exchanged cash in slim attaches. Babaji this is 2011. Just FYI.

Had your guru Mahant Shankerdev been around, he would have advised you to watch Casino Royale and take some cue from James Bond. No no no Babaji, not Vesper. See this is why I say gurujis are so important to be around. They help keep you professionally focused. But I'm sorry that your guru had to go missing and to make it worse for you, the media suspects that you tried some sleight of hand to disappear him.

Uh! no Babaji we don't care about all this heresy as long as you keep giving us those heels over head calisthenics to keep us young so we make it hastily to our twilight and are replaced by genext who knows nothing about your drubbing at Ramlila Maidan.